


You Win

by ladylucy_lucifer



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Cheating, Eating Disorders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Panic Attacks, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28237722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylucy_lucifer/pseuds/ladylucy_lucifer
Summary: Please please PLEASE read all the triggers before reading this, this has some very very heavily implied notions. Do not proceed with reading this if you and not comfortable and if I have missed tagging ANYTHING, please please let me knowThis is my first time writing Hisoka angst and safe to safe I ripped my own damn heart outBased on the song 911 - Ellise (trigger warnings for song as per above)All italic words centred are lyrics direct from the song, all credit goes directly to the rightful owner. I just love them and think they bring a nice reference as an internal monologue to the work if you listen to the song while reading it
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	You Win

**Author's Note:**

> Please please PLEASE read all the triggers before reading this, this has some very very heavily implied notions. Do not proceed with reading this if you and not comfortable and if I have missed tagging ANYTHING, please please let me know
> 
> This is my first time writing Hisoka angst and safe to safe I ripped my own damn heart out 
> 
> Based on the song 911 - Ellise (trigger warnings for song as per above)
> 
> All italic words centred are lyrics direct from the song, all credit goes directly to the rightful owner. I just love them and think they bring a nice reference as an internal monologue to the work if you listen to the song while reading it

You hand trails over your face in the mirror, wincing as it traces around the purple bruise forming under your chin. Reaching forward to the running water, you splashing it up and over your face, the sting that you’re not sure if it’s in your head or actually happening.

Pulling back, you press the towel to your face and keep the water running. Hands shaking as you try to steady your breathing, to no avail your eyes shooting once up again to your own reflection that stares back at you. You blink once. Twice. Three times.

Your reflection changes to his, smirking back at you with a card in his fingers. You shriek as tears roll down your face and shove your fist through the glass, shattering it into a million little pieces.

**“Little joker?”** his voice comes from the other side of the door as a quiet knock appears, **“Little joker are you okay? Come on, let me in,”** the door knob rattles as your eyes shift over, sucking in hard dip breathes as the anxiety sits in, **“Little joker? Little joker!”**

You move quickly and open the door, plastering a smile across your face as you look up at your six-foot three husband of three years who stood before you. His pink hair falling flat across his face as a smile fell across his own features, he reaches out a hand to dust lightly across the bruise you were just inspecting.

**“Little joker you really should be more careful when we train, if you don’t learn to block any more hits how will you ever be good enough to battle anyone?”** he tsks to himself.

Training. Sure. If you could ever call it that anymore.

He pulls you into a tight hug and you can’t help but snuggle closer to him, what was wrong with you? You felt like he repulsed you but you couldn’t breathe without him. Tears fell down from your eyes freely and before you knew it you were sobbing into Hisoka’s chest without being able to stop.

**“Oh there, there, little joker. I know this has all been very hard on you. I know you can’t handle it when I leave. I know you need me here for you all the time, don’t you?”** he strokes the back of your hair almost lovingly, **“I know you can’t breathe without me, come here, little joker. I’m the only one who can make it all better for you,”** he sweeps you up into his arms and carries you towards the bedroom, cradling you in his arms the entire time.

You curse at yourself, your inner monologue scratching and swearing the entire time. Get away from him, what was wrong with you. You had to get out, you had to get away. But every time he touched you, every time he whispered in your ear that he loved you, that it was going to be different it was as if nothing had ever happened. It was as if you forgot everything, he had ever done to you.

_I gotta lose my guy or I’m gonna lose my mind_

You awake in the morning to an empty, an empty house and the feeling of anxiety setting into your body once again. You stand in the living room and then begin to feel the pain in the lower half of your body, you lift up your shirt to notice the bruises around your thighs and hips, the tears welling up in your eyes once again.

Immediately you feel the anxiety attack hit you in the face, falling to your knees and clutching your chest and feeling the tears well in your eyes.

It was the same cycle repeating itself and you don’t know why you thought it was going to be any different.

Three days pass, you hear nothing from your husband. Could you even dare to call him that? You knew he was out doing whatever he wanted. You final decide to pick up your phone, no calls, no messages. No shock there.

You dial his number, it rings out.

You dial it again; it rings out again.

You dial it a third time, it’s disconnected immediately.

_My baby plays me like a game, I'm not having fun_

On the sixth day you’re head first in the toilet throwing up everything you’ve thrown up the last twenty-four hours, finally you take a moment to breathe you wipe a hand across your mouth and try to think back to anything you could have eaten.

It didn’t add up, you hadn’t had anything but dry biscuits and water, there was no reason it should have upset your stomach this much.

An alert goes off on your phone, you finally look down at it and notice it’s the same alert you’d been ignore because it wasn’t a text message. It was from your period tracking up saying your period was due.

Opening the app, you quickly scroll and notice that you had missed your period by almost four weeks, a whole month.

Your eyes bulge out of your head as you jump to your feet, and quickly race to grab your keys.

_Tell him that he's won, my heart's always aching and I gotta be done_

The piece of paper shakes in your hand as you had retrieved it from the only hiding space you had left in your house, a spider traced on the back of it and the digits in plain black text.

You wiped the fresh tears that were falling down your face and sniffled deeply, brushing your hair away from your face as you dialled the number and placed your phone to your ear.

It answers on the first ring.

**“I always hoped you would call,”** the deep voice answers.

 _“I need you to come and get me,”_ you sob into the phone, instantly breaking down, _“I need you to save me,”_

 **“I’m coming now with the rest of the Troupe,”** the phone goes dead and you fall to the floor, beginning to enter another anxiety attack.

You’re not sure if you have fallen asleep or passed out but you are woken by a gentle shake of your shoulder, taking in the figure of the black-haired man before you.

**“Hey, it’s just me, are you ready to go? Do you need to pack anything?”** he asks you slowly, helping you to your feet.

 _“No… I have nothing here... That’s worth anything…”_ you look around the room, your eyes resting on the wedding photo as tears well up again, _“Chrollo, I’m pregnant,”_

 **“Where is the test?”** his face is flat as he asks you

 _“I turned it to ash with my nen,”_ you respond looking at him with teary eyes

**“Good, then he never needs to know. The rest we will handle together, let’s go,”**


End file.
